Sid: Hello Sid Roth here with Kathi Oates, 28 years a
pastors wife, plastic smile, everything is fine, but her heart
was broken, and she just didn’t know what to do about it
and so she went for help, she said I don’t know about you
Gary, but I am going for help, I cannot take it the way this
is, and someone was praying for you and you saw a wall.
Kathi: I saw a wall, I did and I asked the Lord what’s the
name of the wall because sometimes we don’t know things
about ourselves and God knows all truth about us.
So I heard the word fear, and I asked the Lord,
“Lord just come and minister to that wall.”
And it’s like in my minds eye I saw a big ball and chain
come and smash that wall, and then I saw behind the wall
a little part of who I was, in fact it was a big part of
who I was, and I asked the Lord, “Who is that.”
And I heard, “Fat Kathi.”
That was the part of me that I had despised.
That was the part of me that I had rejected.
That was the part of me that held all the pain.
And as I saw that part I said, “Lord, she looks so sad.”
And I saw that little fat girl crying and the man
that was praying with me said,
“Are you willing to embrace that part of you?”
And I said, “Absolutely not, I hate that part of me.”
And there are many, many who feel the same way
about parts of themselves that hold shame and trauma a
nd fear and torment, they don’t want to have anything
to do with them, and he said, “Well are you willing f
or the Lord Jesus to come and minister to that part?”
And I said, “Yes I am.”
And so in my minds eye I felt and saw the Lord
come and put his arm around that part that I had hated
and despised for so many years, and he said,
“What’s happening to her now?”
And I said, “Well she is looking happier.”
And you know as I sat there and I kind of watched
this video going on on the inside of me, I began to
realize she is part of who I am, and when I left her
behind I left a lot of who I was.
Sid: You rejected part of yourself.
Kathi: I rejected part of myself, look she was so rejected,
she wasn’t loved at home, her dad didn’t pay any attention
to her, there was screaming and yelling all the time,
at school the kids made fun of her, and I just decided
since nobody else liked her why should I
and I pushed all the pain and shoved all the
pain in that part of my heart and it broke.
And as I got older I got ADD, I couldn’t focus
on anything and my grades went down.
I can tell you almost to the day when that happened
because from then on, I got a transcript of my
high school grades, they went down to mediocre
and I had been at the top of my class.
And so the Lord gave me a compassion for that part of me,
I could feel the Lord’s heart loving here and if the Lord
loved her I looked at her and I thought I want her to
come back, I need to be whole again.
And that is what salvation means, it means to be made
whole, to be saved, to be set free, to be delivered.
Sid: You know you were talking about in Isaiah, part of
the reason Messiah came was to restore the brokenhearted.
Kathi: It was to bind up the brokenhearted, to set the
captives free, to open the prison doors, in fact in
Luke four that was Jesus’ mission statement.
The church has not held that mission statement.
Sid: Okay, let’s take you what happened to your ADD?
Kathi: The ADD began to subside
as I asked that part back.
Sid: In fact you told me your entire personality changed.
What were you like before and how did you change?
Kathi: I was very angry, much more nervous,
much more excitable, much more fearful, very fearful,
worried a lot, anxiety ridden, but I think the most
prevalent thing was this underlying seething
anger all the time, I just could not get rid of it.
And as I began to release the trauma out of that part,
I began to release the anger, I began to release the pain
and that part reunited with me and it was an actual
experience for me, it was as if two puzzle pieces
were being slammed together and there was a
solidarity about how I felt about myself.
Sid: I have heard of people who have done this that
couldn’t even play a piano and all of a sudden they can
play the piano when their heart comes together.
It is like part of who you – you are incomplete.
Kathi: right, you are incomplete and I, after working in
this ministry for quite a number of years now, I don’t see
how we can come in to the complete destiny that the Lord
has for us, because our destiny includes all of who we are,
all of the way the Lord made us.
I just prayed for a woman recently in a meeting and I
could tell that she had left an artsy part, where she loved
art, did painting, loved music, that part had been totally
rejected by her for some reason or another, and I could see
the Lord beginning to bring that back to her again.
It is amazing how much of who we are we loose.
Sid: Now you do group meetings all over the world
where you pray and that’s why I love your new book,
Open My Heart, Lord, because in the back it has a
CD with you praying with such an anointing of God,
and in fact when we come back in the next segment
I want you to pray over our people.
But you know I have to tell you Kathi, it seems
too simple the way you outline it in this book.
Kathi: Well I think the Lord is simple, and as long as we
follow his simple principles, I’ve found some people that
are broken more than just one fragment, I have found
people that are broken many fragments and shattered lives,
but that’s what the word broken means in the Hebrew, in
Isaiah 61 it means to be broken, splintered, shattered.
May 29th, 2009 |
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